The Oath of Office

Newly elected congressman Keith Ellison (D-Minn) is the first Muslim to be elected to the United States Congress. Good for him. He joins the hundreds of Christians, Jews, Mormons, Atheists and Agnostics who have served in this body through the years. Thing is, Mr. Ellison is insisting that he be allowed to take the oath of office by swearing on a Koran, not the Bible. Something that has never been done in our history. Is this really such a big deal? I think so. But I have some freelance to work on, so I’ll leave it to Dennis Prager to explain why.

Later,

Fox

Gonna Fly Now

I admit it. I actually can’t wait for Rocky Balboa to open on December 22. I’ll wait for the chuckling to stop.

Okay, here’s the backstory: The original Rocky, which was released 30 years ago in 1976, is the first movie I remember seeing in the theater. I was four. I can only assume my parents figured I wouldn’t really pay attention. But I did. Fortunately for them, my brother was three years older and I was smart enough to not try whaling on him when we got home.

I loved that first movie. What kid wouldn’t? You’re small, you have no rights, you can’t really do anything, you’re the youngest sibling (in my case) and you’re a bit of an introvert (severely so, in my case). You are Rocky. The underdog that overreaches. The guy who doesn’t just dream the impossible dream, he beats that dream into submission one side of beef at a time. Who wouldn’t like that?

(Apparently, everybody liked it. After all, it did win Academy Awards for Best Director and Best Picture, along with nominations for Best Actor and Best Screenplay for Stallone.)

I grew up with Rocky Balboa. The sequel where he actually wins the title (forgot that he only tied in the first one, did you?) The third one where Mr. T vows to take his woman and “Eye of the Tiger” sets the stage for one of the Best TV Spots Ever. Rocky IV brought us some sweet jingoism, Dolph Lundgren and the future Ms. Ex-Stallone Brigitte Nielsen, as well as another sweet Survivor tune (“Burning Heart”) that I played in 7th-grade band. I believe there was also a fifth Rocky movie, but most people choose to disavow its existence.

I played “Gonna Fly Now” in the 7th-grade talent show. Maynard Ferguson I ain’t, but I rocked that junior high gym stone cold. Heck yeah.

So yes, I have an affinity for the series as a whole. But I’m also interested in this final chapter because it mirrors Stallone’s own life. Rocky was his triumph. His nadir was, well, how do you choose? Cobra? Over the Top? Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot? Driven? And did I mention Brigitte “Now Ms. Ex-Flava Flav” Nielsen?

Wow.

But now he’s back. He wrote the screenplay. He directed the movie. His arms are thicker than my torso. He’s even pitching the movie to the faith-based audience.

Are these good things? Maybe, maybe not. But I’ll be pulling for the Italian Stallion. After all, I do love a good underdog story.

Later,

Fox

Burger King Brings the Pain

This might be the coolest thing Cripin Porter Bogusky Fox has ever done. BKGamer.com. Go now. Go on. Git. Don’t make me sic Jack Palance on you.

Later,

Fox

Consumer Generated Gunk

There’s a lot of flotsam floating about the blogosphere at the moment regarding Consumer Generated Content. I know this only because I just read my buddy James’s blog over at Yonder Ponder. Otherwise, I probably would’ve ignored the whole mess.

Here’s an argument that is either for or against CGC, as it is known. Which side of the argument you think it’s for depends on your personal point of view. And if you can't guess mine, you must be new around here.




Happy trails,

Fox

I love the new Roman & Victor campaign for Citi. Spots directed by Jared Hess. Print shot by Aaron “Kip Dynamite” Ruell. Good stuff. But is anybody else wondering how they got Judd Hirsh to do this? I would’ve thought Rev. Jim to be more appropriate. But hey, whatever works. And thanks to American Copywriter for the stolen image.

Later,

Fox

In a World...

You’ve heard his voice approximately six billion times. You’ve even seen him in the recent Geico television campaign. Now find out a little more about the man who makes more in one day of talking than I do in over a year of pimping the value. Ladies and gentlemen, Don LaFontaine.

Yes, I know this isn’t a new segment, but it’s still good for the kids.

Later,

Fox

I Blog Bigger Than You

Jack Palance died yesterday. Or, more likely, he chose to stop living. I doubt death held much sway over Jack Palance. He was one of my favorite actors for a few simple, if possibly odd, reasons:

1. He hosted the television version of “Ripley’s…Believe It or Not” when I was a kid. The best part of the entire show was when he would end a segment by intoning, “Believe it! [then he’d sharply inhale] Or not!”



2. As most people know, Jack, at age 114, he performed 2,439 one-arm push-ups at the Academy Awards. I’m still working on my first.



3. In the mid 90s he cut a commercial for Aqua Velva that included not one, but two eminently quotable lines. “I don’t need some fancy cologne to tell me I’m a man,” and, “Confidence is so sexy, don’t you think?”

Can you argue with either of those statements? No. You can’t. And if you try, Mr. Palance’s disembodied soul will hunt you down and crush you like the Hai Karate-wearing punk you are.

Believe it. [sharp inhale] Or not.

Later,

Fox

Death to MarCommunism

Are you a marketing communications specialist? Do you synthesize actionable items by day and move from strength to strength at night? Going forward, do you seek to exploit the synergies of multimedia interactivity with micro-targeted opt-in programs?

Then stop reading now.

Hate is a strong word. So when I say that I hate the phrase “marketing communications,” you can trust that I’m not using it for hyperbole. I hate marketing communications consultants. I hate marketing communications materials. And I have difficulty trusting any entity that refers to itself as a marketing communications firm. (Double points off if “strategic” is in front of that descriptor. Gee, you use strategy? How novel. We were looking for something a bit more willy-nilly.)

Why such vitriol for the Double M of Mephistopheles? Because the phrase does exactly what “marketing communications” aren’t supposed to do: complicate the truth. Marketing communications – even junk mail, spam blasts and flyers touting the local club for discriminating gentlemen – are advertising. Period. So call it advertising.

People know what advertising is.

Which is, of course, the reason some people don’t like calling it advertising.

Advertising connotes a certain amount of creativity went into the finished piece. A bit of artistry. A touch of inspiration. Basically, the very things most marketing communications materials lack.

Marketing communications materials are by the numbers. They stick to tried-and-supposedly-true formulas. Sending a direct mail letter? Make it a personal appeal from someone in the company, but write it with plenty of bullet points – and always have an odd number of bullet points.

And please avoid any form of mass media. Marketing communications must be targeted according to ZIP, age, income, hair color, religious affiliation and preference for tomatoes or tomahtoes.

Marketing communications materials show their strategy. Wouldn’t want the audience to misinterpret anything by letting a little entertainment value get in the way of the message. And would an exclamation point or three kill you? Didn’t think so!

By claiming to produce marketing communications materials instead of advertising, the offending company absolves itself from having to produce good work. Keep production cheap and response rates good enough and you’ve got yourself a respectable ROI, Skippy. So what if the brand image suffers? Live in the now, man!

Of course, many clients love marketing materials. They’re concrete. They’re measurable. They have a specific purpose. They’re for marketing, by gum, and we gotta sell, sell, sell! Advertising might be about moving the needle, but it might also just create warm, fuzzy feelings in consumers’ hearts. Where does that leave you? People feeling sorry for you when you file Chapter 11? Not on this marketing manager’s watch, bub.

Now, I’ve dealt with agencies that used the term “marketing communications” that were, at their heart, ad agencies. They just got sucked into the jargon a bit. Such is life. I’ve also dealt with so-called advertising agencies that did nothing but produce marketing communications materials. You find a lot of frustrated people (and not just creatives) in those shops.

I’ve spouted this rant to get down to this: Can we please just get back to doing some good ads? People like good ads. They rewind the Tivo for good ads. They email good ads to friends. They remember good ads. They act upon good ads.

Ads, people, ads.

Because no one has ever run up to a friend, their voice quivering with excitement, and said, “Dude, check out these sweet marketing communications I got last night!”

Later,

Fox

Congratulations, America

You get what you deserve.

Fox

Get Out and Vote. Then Shut Up.

Tomorrow is Mid-Term Election Day of Unimaginable Importance all across this wonderful land of ours. I think I speak for everyone when I say, “THANK GOD IT’S OVER.”

Now, I’m fairly politically aware. I even swing to the side of the aisle not usually occupied by my creative brethren. (A fact shocking to no one who reads this blog.) I hate looking at a ballot and realizing that I don’t know who this judge in District 3 is or if he’s a complete schmoe. But the problem with elections isn’t the dangling chads, electronic ballots that run on Windows 98 or that fact that registering to vote automatically throws you into the jury pool.

It’s the advertising. (Duh, like that wasn’t obvious.)

If you need me to explain why political advertising is hideous or need me to cite examples of such advertising, well, too bad. Turn on the TV or your radio and give it ten minutes.

Tomorrow, I celebrate. For then the political ads will vanish and I shall once again be confronted with the eternal question of: Who approved the tagline “Have a happy period”? ’Cause that ain’t right.

Later,

Fox

Too Sexy for My List

As you could probably guess from my silence on the matter, my “Grapes of Wrath” inspired list for McSweeneys.net failed to make the cut. They’re a mercurial bunch over at McSweeney’s, one minute going for highbrow literary references and the next opting for Yiddish punnery.

But my mission continues.

Therefore, I present my latest list:

How Justin Timberlake is Bringing Sexy Back

On a slow boat from China
In the back of a 1974 Pinto station wagon
In the expandable front pocket of his Roll-A-Board
Less Cameron Diaz, more Cameron Manheim
Via FedEx 3-day economy

Later,

Fox

Gentlemen, Remove Your Kerrys

I link to this as a service to my fellow male admen. You know who you are. Flip-flops must die, die, die!

You’re welcome.

Fox

Chapter 4

So. Parted ways with my personal Agency of Record yesterday. Waves of ambivalence continue to wash over me. On the one hand, I knew I wasn’t a good fit at the agency and the time had come to leave. On the other hand, the paycheck was nice. I also liked my fellow creatives, who will remain my friends. I even liked some of the account people. Who knew?

I’ve been at three agencies so far. All run by account guys. I'd like to avoid that again unless said account guy is really an ad guy. And if you don't know what that means, don't call me.

I’m not sure what this fourth chapter of my career will entail. I’ll be looking at more agencies to be sure, and if one feels right I’ll join it. Assuming they ask. But I may also just freelance, attempt to get some voice over work and maybe finish all those other writing projects I never seemed to have time for. Megan and I have been praying for God to open a new door – this must just be step one.

For the moment, send me your leads, your freelance gigs, your tax-free cash gratuities. And thanks for reading.

Later,

Fox

An Open Letter to The Bounce Agency

To My Blog Stalker:

I don’t know who you are, Mr. or Ms. Minion of The Bounce Agency. I don’t know if you are a copywriter, an art director, a media gal, an account wonk or a bored intern. I don’t know if you are a man, woman or internet-loving mutant goat. I just know you’ve looked at my blog every single day since I installed my site counter. And that was weeks ago.

Why?

Why do you darken the door of my AdHole on such a regular basis? Does the natural beauty of South Carolina not adequately fill your soul? Are my observations about life, advertising and lemurs so weighty that you simply cannot wait for a new one to be posted? Are you simply crying out in your loneliness, hoping to find a kindred soul in the vast cosmos of the intergorelactic cyberuniverse?

Or are your motives more nefarious? I warn you: Do not taunt the power of the shiv.

Reveal yourself!

Later,

Fox

Once Upon a Manifesto

I was cleaning out my emails this morning when I happened upon the missive I sent to my fellow creatives at Bernstein-Rein on my last day back in February 2005. Here’s the meat of that email, offered because I believe it all to still be true. My apologies for the inside jokes, but you’ll get the idea. Also, I need to buy more black clothing.

Things to Remember When Creating an Ad (and Other Random Musings):

1. Nobody wants to read/watch your ad; give them a reason to.


2. You will constantly have to remind others that you don't need to say the product in the first sentence of a TV spot. It's 30 seconds. If you can't hold someone's attention for the 20 seconds it takes you to get to the product name, find some other line of work.


3. A technique or look is no substitute for substance. Monkeys, however, are.


4. When someone tells you, "We'll really have to do a good job of casting for this one," look him in the eye and respond, "Well, you know, that *is* actually our job." Although I personally prefer something much more sarcastic.


5. If a direct-mail person tells you you have to have an odd number of bullet points, use one per subhead. After all, you can't argue with the science behind a 1% response rate.


6. Never underestimate the intelligence of your audience. The subtleties of value-priced hemorrhoid cream are lost on few.


7. The AE is not your CD/writer/art director/producer no matter what the Wal-Mart account people think.


8. The next time someone tells you, "We've got to pick our battles," ask them if they can even remember the last battle they picked.


9. Ellipses are the devil's handiwork and/or handmaiden (sorry, Shan).


10. Assume you're right until proven otherwise.


11. It's the little compromises that add up to a giant bucket of suck.


12. Black is still slimming.

Later,

Fox

Diddy Denied

I’m on a roll. It took them over a week, but McSweeneys.net has rejected my list from this blog.

That’s just wrong. “Scone Father” alone should’ve gotten it approved. I shall crush them for their insolence.

Later,

Fox

New Theme Song

This is how I roll.



Later,

Fox

Sweetest Day of the Yarrrrrrrrrrrrrr

That’s right, kids, it’s National Talk Like a Pirate Day. So go on. Avast something. Scrape off the barrrrrnacles and carrrrrrbuncles from ye keel. Eat a Pop Tarrrrrrrrt™ and watch a Peter Saarrrrrrsgaarrrrrrrrd movie.

Latarrrrrrrr,

Capt. Fox

Hacks vs. Artistes

Extremism, as Katie Couric incessantly reminds us, is bad. Bad, bad, bad. The extreme right wing, bad. The extreme left wing, bad (unless you’re Katie). Extreme sports, dangerous. Extreme spelled X-treme, dumb. Extreme bingo, unsafe for senior citizens. Anything taken to the extreme strikes most people as a bit fanatical and as something not to be trusted. Hence the poor sales of Right Guard Xtreme deodorant. No one wants their antiperspirant to push the limits of fair play with their sweat glands. It’s just rude.

So what about the extreme camps that exist in advertising? The first camp is one that most, if not all, of the people reading this blogtacular prose will readily decry – a group I collectively label The Hacks.

You know The Hacks. They’re the people that keep using stock photos of men shaking hands and men pointing at computer screens and men standing around with a look of unspecified concern. Many Hacks can be found in agencies with names like Awesome Advertising Concepts, SuperPostcards+ and Deutsch. The Hack believes that advertising is a science. A science best practiced through direct mail or, as they call it, The Direct Response Paradigm. They have a euphemistic name for everything. They don’t mail things in boxes or tubes. The send them in Dimensional Mailers. A postcard is a Business Reply Card – the dreaded BRC. And they have rules aplenty. Always use an odd number of bullet points. Always use a lot of bullet points. Oversized postcards really stand out even though everyone else is using an oversized postcard. Put the same message on both sides of the Self-Mailing Oversized Post Message Delivery Unit just in case the spammee doesn’t flip the card over. Even though no one in the history of everything has ever not flipped a postcard over. The Hacks know what they’re doing, dang it. And it doesn’t matter what your brand stands for or to whom you’re advertising – if you want to sell something, they’ve got a formula to do it.

You hate The Hacks. I hate The Hacks. If we have a department of Hacks in our office, we often argue with them. Hacks give the rest of us the stench of hucksterism. And if I’m going to stink, I prefer my own natural musk. It’s kind of like creamed corn. You’d love it.

At the other side of the scale is a group that doesn’t get its nose tweaked very often. A group that is generally praised and even worshipped in the Halls of Advertising. They are The Artistes. Artistes believe that advertising is not just an art form, it’s *the* fine art form of the 21st century. Tapping into the zeitgeist. Altering the zeitgeist. Excessively using the term “zeitgeist.” The Artistes worship at the Alter of Bogusky, even if he thinks they’re all wankers. They wonder – out loud – why Spielberg hasn’t tapped them to pen the next Indiana Jones after seeing their wicked awesome Downy Dryer Ball spot. The Artistes believe in Advertising for the sake of Advertising. A cool ad is a cool ad, so what if no one remembers whom it was for.

The Artistes bug me almost as much as The Hacks. Almost. But I believe it’s easier to knock an Artiste down to the reality of being real advertising creative artist than it is to pull a Hack out the swamp of one-percent response rates (score!). An Artiste usually has a bit of talent whereas a Hack, well, is a hack. Nonetheless, both groups need to be kicked in the head a bit. The Hacks, just because. It won’t help, but it feels good. The Artistes need to be reminded that advertising is not the be-all-end-all of artistic endeavors. Most people, when asked, will not tell you that “1984” is the best commercial ever produced.


They’ll probably stick out their tongue and say, “Whassup?!” And telling them that that is so 2000 is not going to help. There’s a reason we have to give ourselves so many awards. And it’s not because we’re all so flippin’ sweet. So chill out, Chachi.

Make it cool. Make it work. Go home.

Later,

Fox

Holiday Inn Back with the Wacky

A few years ago, Holiday Inn ran one of my all-time favorite campaigns. You know the one. It featured a 30-something loser named Michael who lived with his parents and grandmother. Instead of getting a job, he kept trying to get perks, rewards and whatnot that prompted one of his cohabitants to query, “What do you think this is, a Holiday Inn?” It was basically the same spot done over a dozen times, yet each one was so well done with such crisp writing and acting that you didn’t care that you knew the punch line. Now that’s good stuff.

Since then, I really have no idea what Holiday Inn has done in the way of broadcast advertising. (And the great Holiday Inn Express campaign doesn’t count as it’s for a sub-brand.) But the company has decided to crawl out of whatever advertising spider hole in which they were hiding to unleash a new TV campaign aimed simply at getting people to rethink their impressions of the chain. Produced by their long-time agency Fallon, these spots feature three coworkers – Ted, Marcus and Zack – on an office trip. Simple, sometimes bizarre hilarity ensues.

I think these broke in June, but I’ve just started seeing them in heavier rotation. Probably because the new season is upon and watch NBC for hours each night just for previews of “The Office” and “My Name is Earl.”

Anyway, go watch.

Later,

Fox